Epic Midnight Conversations

Reminiscing about forgotten tales of stupidity is always amazing. Especially when it's with two of your favourite fuck-nuts, in the dead of the night and leads to spoofing 300 in Hindi. Sheer brilliance, I say! Thanks ra buggers - Ashole and Halli. Cheers.

Surex? No Seriously, Surex?

Whatte advertisement, I say! What a crappy, crappy, annoying as fuck, asinine, idiotic bloody advert.

Right, so here's the synopsis of the ad -

Purported macho stud dude with what looks like a Samsung phone goes to the store's checkout counter to pay and hands the sales lady (deemed smoking hot for some reason by the ad's rather imaginative creators) a five hundred rupee note, who after a seemingly disgusted glance at the Samsung hands hims back part of the change and a couple of what looks like those cheap (50p I think) Ravalgaon toffees in lieu of the remainder of the change. 
      
  Along comes the wuss next door and the same ritual repeats, only this time after a long, passionate glance at the wuss' Lava phone the hot-librarian-wannabe sales lady has a wet dream and instead of the Ravalgaons the wuss is suggestively handed a couple of Surex condoms. The ad then proceeds to encapsulate the features of this awesome piece of technology i.e. the Lava phone, not the condom weirdly enough. Unbelievable features like a gun-metal finish and sharp, masculine edges and finally the ad ends with the phone's tagline Separates the Men from the Boys.

Not that I particularly like those Korean bastards Samsung, but really? These guys at Lava are better how?

And what an inane ad. Don't these people think before they put up trash like this. Here's some crap that really bothered me -

• Surex? Ooh, I wonder what that's an allusion to? Durex? Nah, that can't be it now, can it? By the way, Durex is a portmanteau durability, reliability and excellence. I'll leave it up to you to come up with some for Surex.

• Masculine edges? Are FREAKING kidding me? What the fuck do you mean by masculine edges? So, what now, we have feminine and hermaphroditic edges? Euclid, Descartes, Riemann and every dead mathematician would turn over in their graves if they ever heard this. Hell, turning over and even thrashing about would be rather mild, I'd expect something like George A. Romero's Night of the Living Dead, only here zombie mathematicians would hunt down the imbeciles that made this ad.

• Lava phones are the key to getting laid? Really? Apparently all you have to do is get a Lava phone and sales ladies all over the world will want to bed you. Women really like Lava phones that much eh? Must be them masculine edges. Though now that I think about it I do remember Hugh Hefner talking about how Lava was the secret of his success. And I'm fairly sure James Bond, Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne had Lava phones. Talk about revelations, this is like that Pick of Destiny moment. 

• The wuss is accepting those condoms? Do you really want condoms that cost as much as a few toffees do? 

• Separates the men from the boys how now? Why is that even relevant when you buy a phone. How the fuck does that even make sense? Phones can do that now? And here I was thinking them Android phones were feature rich.

The only possible consolation for getting a Lava phone is that it's probably the only Indian phone manufacturing company that has an English word thats spelt correctly as it's name, unlike Karbonn and Maxx and the rest of the lot which bastardize/bollywoodize the English dictionary. Why even bother advertising with names like these right?

Here's hoping that Lava can come up with a halfway decent advert the next time around. And maybe even a halfway decent phone. 

End of rant.

Happy MMXI !!

Right. This is for the benefit of all those people who didn't get the lovely email I send out every year.

Well, with the culmination of 2010 yesterday, its the end of many things as I see it, like the end of first year of the second decade of the new millennium, the year '10, the month of December in the year of '10, the last of week of the aforementioned month, the last day of the aforementioned week of the aforementioned month, so on and so forth.

Knowing me, this really could take a while, though I've decided to mend my ways and annoy people a little less at the beginning of the year and hence will get to the point of this mail, that being wishing all you morons a very great year ahead. To all those who in their infinite wisdom have made new-years resolutions, my heart, yes the teeny tiny one goes out to thee but before which I shall wish you all the very best in your endeavors. 

Till the end of 2011 and with fairly warm regards,